That Pink and Blue Ribbon

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pregnancyloss

“When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan.  When a spouse loses his or her partner, they are called a widow or widower.  When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.”  (Pres. Ronald Reagan, October15th.com)

On October 15th of each year, on social media, you’ll likely see a pink and blue ribbon, maybe encircling tiny footprints or butterflies.  You may or may not know that this symbols identifies parents remembering their lost little ones.

On October 15, candles are lit for a full hour at 7 pm in every time zone, creating a wave of light from the United States to Canada, to the UK, to Italy, to Australia.

History

The entire month of October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, created by sitting President Ronald Reagan in October 1988.  As he said, “there is no word for a parent who has lost a child,” as there is for someone who’s lost their parents (orphans) or their spouse (widow or widower.)

October 15 is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  This observance was created by three American women in 2002 and has since spread across the world.  In 2006, it was recognized by Congress; in 2016, it is finally recognized by all 50 state legislatures.

This Remembrance Day is intended to provide validation for families struck by loss, to increase public understanding, and to remind us to find ways to meet the needs of grieving parents in our communities.  It is a way for a community to gather, a way to hold one another in some way.

Today

Today, I light a candle to mark more than four years since the death of my first son.  His kidneys were malformed in a way that we knew would be terminal.  He was born at 36 weeks and died quietly in my room at the hospital in Shreveport, LA.  The nurses put an angel wreath on my door.

My candle will mark the many miscarriages among my family and friends.  Some studies say 15%; others say one in four. Whichever is closer, both mean we all know someone who miscarried or experienced it ourselves.

My candle will also mark all the sons and daughters lost to stillbirths, SIDs, and so many other causes and complications. Heart conditions and anencephaly.  Twins and other multiples lost for any reason.

All these little lives are too short.  Ask any mother and she will affirm:  all these little lives were precious.

Many parents still grieve in silence.  Some see it through by faith or family and friends.  Some need therapy and antidepressants, like I did.

We must hold our fellow parents up to the light so no one feels alone in their grief.  We must make our love for our angel babies known, even if it’s only in our home, with no posts or pictures or fanfare – just a candle for only an hour.

How to Participate

Anyone, anywhere who wants to join the Wave of Light may do so unofficially by lighting their candle at 7 pm and letting it burn for an hour on October 15th.

There is also a list of public events and activities in Texas curated by October15th.com.

Some suggested are also available at First Candle.com.

You can also honor a lost child and keep their memory alive by adding their name to our Forever Loved wall.

Perhaps the most important thing you can do is reach out.  “Like” a pink and blue ribbon on social media.  Post one yourself.  Send a note.  Cook a meal.  Call a friend or family member. Make a human connection.  Join the gathering.