When Mother’s Day is Hard to Celebrate

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Memories of Mom- Mother's Day 2016- Corpus Christi Moms Blog

Mother’s Day is a wonderful occasion. It’s a day to spend honoring one of the most important persons in your life. But for me, it’s also an event that brings conflicting emotions.

Allow me to explain.

The woman who gave birth to me is not active in my life. Growing up, she was there physically, but not emotionally. Now that I am an adult, she is not here at all.

Thankfully, I have a circle of amazing, loving women who collectively made up and continue to make up for her absence. And because of that, I can joyfully participate in Mother’s Day celebrations and use the day to honor them. And now, as a mother myself, Mother’s Day has taken on another layer of importance.

Because of my experiences, I was terrified of becoming a mother and internally vowed never, ever to become one. But in 2008, I was forced to face my fears when I learned I was pregnant. I would soon become what I feared most. A mother! If that wasn’t enough to make me weak in the knees, I found out almost immediately that I was carrying not one, but two bundles of joy.

It was twins! A boy and a girl. Girl. She was the one I was most afraid of.

I know, it sounds silly. Who’s afraid of a baby?! I mean, I think we all fear the unfamiliar, but my fear was sometimes overpowering. At times, I allowed it take over the joy of what was to come and the ability to enjoy the moment. Take my advice and don’t do that.

Fast forward to 2016 and I am a mother to 3 incredible tiny humans. One girl and two boys. I am not a perfect parent. No one can boast that title. But I can say with confidence that I am a pretty dang good one.

There is a song that is gaining popularity on the radio these days called, “Piece by Piece.” Kelly Clarkson wrote it about her absentee father, but I can easily apply it to my situation. The verse about her daughter never having to wonder her worth like Kelly Clarkson did because of her dad gets me every time because it is my truth. Because of the many women in my life who taught me by example. Because I was able to take what I didn’t have and vow never to put my own children through that. I am thankful for the vessel who brought me to life, and I am thankful she taught me exactly what not to be.

I wanted to share a particular story and instance of clarity in hopes that it reaches someone like me who may be struggling with overcoming the past. It is moments like this that remind me we CAN be who we choose to be.

One morning, my daughter, Riley woke me up. Rob and our two boys are consistently up at ungodly hours and I’ll admit, I’m typically not on our one day off. She was speaking quietly, hesitantly and asking me to look behind me before running out of the room. I sat up, wiped the sleepiness from my eyes and looked where she had pointed. A message was now on my beautiful, handmade headboard, written in blue marker.

MothersDay
The Message.

My first instinct was to get mad because she knew better. My second thought was to get annoyed because I am not a morning person. But I had only a short window of time to react. My thoughts drifted to my own childhood.

I was about her age when I wrote on the carpet that I felt alone and that I missed my dad, who lived in New Mexico at the time.

My mother was so mad that she used violence to punish me for my actions. Years later, I discovered I could write, but when I erred in my youth, she ripped up all my journals that I’d spent years filling with my thoughts. And for the years following, I’d be a tumbleweed, soulless and on the move, lacking affection, love, encouragement. This is what I feared most when I became a mom, that I’d be her, that I’d suck the very joy out of my flesh and blood.

My messages on the carpet, in my journals, were cries for help. Riley’s was simply love! Love! Nothing more. So I called her name and and she didn’t come. I got up to find her, where she was sitting at her art table with her head down. I’d spent years telling her she had an artists heart and in this moment, I could destroy that. So, I told her I loved her message and that I loved her too. She looked up finally, grinned and then told me proudly that she’d tested all her markers on her easel to see which one would erase from the wood after I’d seen her note. Then… She erased it.

Happy Mother’s Day to the wonderful moms, to the moms who spend years filling voids for girls like me, to the overcomers who break cycles of the past, to mothers who try their best and who love and love well.

This day is for you. For us!

Mother's Day- Corpus Christi Moms Blog
Joy Abounding: Riley, River and Reese

In honor of Mother’s Day, our contributing writers are reflecting back on memories of their own moms. Enjoy these stories of what these daughters loved and learned.

Read more Memories of Mom stories and perspectives from Corpus Christi area moms.

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Kara
Kara lives in Odem on a five acre mini farm and has been married to Robert for almost six years. Together, they have three children. Reese and Riley, b/g twins {7}, and River {4}. She is part owner in the family business, a ghost writer and active in animal rescue. She was introduced to parenthood in a whirlwind because both of her pregnancies ended with premature births. River was a micro preemie. She feels that those experiences caused her to take more of a laid back approach to life and parenting and taught her that the small things are usually the big things! Kara looks forward to writing for Corpus Christi Moms Blog and sharing her experiences and findings with you all!

2 COMMENTS

  1. Thank you for sharing your story. You sound like you are a very strong person and your kiddos see blessed to have you for their MOM.

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