As I sit here holding my precious baby girl, somehow I already miss her.
Sure, she’s still little, but she’s no longer the tiny baby I brought home from the hospital. She walks, she talks, she laughs. She’s become a “big girl” so quickly. And…. she’s my last baby.
She is the youngest of my three children. I currently have two boys who are 6 and 4. I love them with all my heart. They are wonderful, loving, sweet spirited little rascals and I cherish the time I had with them as babies. But in a way, this baby feels different than the other two. I think that’s because when I held my boys’ at this age, I knew in my heart that they would not be my last. And somehow, time didn’t seem to pass quite as quickly.
This baby is my last. And it feels very odd to say or write that.
She’s so tiny and so sweet smelling. These 20 months I’ve had with her have all just flown by. One minute I’m bringing her home from the hospital. The next minute, she has decided its time to wean. Then she’s crawling, then talking, then walking. Where has the time gone?
My husband and I had initially just hoped for 2 children, but after we had our second, I still ached for more. I talked my husband into having a third, and at that point, we decided to go ahead and plan for four.
That seemed like the perfect round number for our family. However, my physician recommended that we stop with three.
There were multiple factors that played into that recommendation, and for my own safety, we of course will follow that recommendation. After all, we have three healthy children. Many would say that I should be happy with that. That I should feel satisfied. But already, my heart secretly yearns for another baby. Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling that way. Some people would give anything just to have one child. Why am I so greedy?- I ask myself. But the answer is clear…
I just love babies. I love everything about the baby phase. And I think most of all- I just love being needed in that way. It scares me and saddens me to see this phase come to an end.
The first years can be tough. Exhausting. But among the long days and difficult nights are the most precious moments that vanish far too quickly. The days are long mamas, but the years are so short. When our children are young they need us in a way that they never will again. I am grateful to have had this phase with each one of my babies and I am going to try to cherish this little one in a way that I never have before. I am reminding myself to look forward to all phases of my children’s lives. And my husband says that a few years down the road if my heart still aches for another baby, we will start to explore adoption.