When Your Birth Plan Doesn’t Go As Planned

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I am what some call “crunchy.” I had backyard chickens for a number of years (until we lost them to a predator last Thanksgiving.) I use essential oils for everything from cleaning to sneezing, I enjoy making my own granola, and I use cloth diapers.

I had my ideal birth plan lined up, and I didn’t want to get an epidural when I prepared to give birth to our fourth baby via VBAC. I had said “no epidural” for each one of my deliveries, and each time I got an epidural.

I knew our baby girl was coming soon when I was cooking dinner the evening of June 6, 2016. The contractions were getting more painful and closer, but still tolerable. My husband and I ate dinner with our 3 boys, bathed them and put them to bed, and did some last minute cleaning around the house. I called my mom and told her to come over at 10:00pm and prepare to stay the night with our boys… This was it! We would meet our baby girl soon!

We grabbed our hospital bag, and essential oils, with diffuser in tow, and left our house at 10:00pm sharp. Long story short, I labored for a few more hours at the hospital, walking around my room and leaning on the bathroom sink with every contraction. At 9 cm, I got an epidural. Our beautiful baby girl was born about half an hour later.

baby girl

She was (is!) absolutely beautiful, and we all fell madly in love with her. I remember holding her on my chest for the first time, something I had longed to do for months. In the midst of the joy of greeting our girl, I didn’t give the epidural much thought… Until I came home a few days later and my hormones were crazy, and I was very sleep-deprived (wonderful combination!)

I mourned that loss… But I couldn’t stay there (and neither can you.) I couldn’t stay there because I could feel the sense of guilt start to take over. Guilt for something I shouldn’t even feel guilty about! Now, dear mamas, it’s time for us to stop pushing the guilt and shame on issues that shouldn’t even be associated with guilt and shame. Sadly, I see this happening all the time over issues like: breastfeeding vs bottle feeding, cloth diapers vs disposable diapers, home births vs hospital births, homeschool vs public school… These are issues that the parents must decide what’s best for their own families, and shouldn’t have to worry about what others might say about it. It’s time for us, as fellow moms, to start encouraging and stop condemning.

If you know a mama who just had a baby, the first thing out of your mouth shouldn’t be, “Did you get the epidural?” The first thing out of your mouth should be, “Well done, mama. Your baby is beautiful.”

(She really is beautiful, here’s a recent picture to prove it! Ha!)

sarah at wbs

Just because I got an epidural doesn’t make me weak. I carried my sweet baby girl in my belly for 41 weeks, while staying home with my 3 boys during the day, building Lego towers and forts, and then going and teaching essential oil classes in the evenings. I stayed up without any rest and gave birth to a sweet baby girl weighing in at 8 pounds and 6 ounces. I am anything but weak.

Any mom who gives birth vaginally or cesarean, epidural or no epidural, is anything but weak. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Being a parent forces you to become strong… You’re putting the needs of these tiny babies before your own, and that causes some major growth and maturity to happen.

So to all the moms out there, however your baby came in to your world—naturally, via C-section, adoption, or all of the above—You did good, mama.

Speaking of strength, let’s focus on our strengths as a mom. What are your strengths?

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4 COMMENTS

  1. Congratulations on your sweet girl!

    With #1 I planned to go full Bradley — no drugs. I read everything, planned everything and had very definate opinions on my “medication free” delivery.

    My OB said I had to go C Section because of the size of the baby.

    I was devastated.

    Turns out I had 3 C sections.

    Turns out that I didn’t need to be devastated.

    (I did get a new OB tho…I don’t think I REALLY needed that first C Section)

  2. I needed to hear this. “I couldn’t stay there”. My story is a little different. I had the most perfect pregnancy up until labor and delivery. I had a 36 hour labor, had to get the epidural 3 times (first two didn’t work), lost a lot of blood and had to get a blood transfusion, and had the baby blues pretty bad for about two weeks after delivery. My daughter is now 2 months old and I still find myself getting sad and emotional over how difficult the delivery (and weeks after) was. It is nothing that I should feel ashamed about or upset about. I cannot stay there. I need to leave it behind. For both of our sakes.

  3. Yes, so true that an epidural is nothing to be ashamed about. Congrats on your baby girl, Jillian, and thanks for your input.

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