October is National Pregnancy and Infant Awareness Loss. Loss is all around us, even more so lately, it seems. However, there are many women who still suffer miscarriages in silence. Many mamas cry silently on Mother’s Day because their arms are empty. Many others quietly remember, every single day, that one or more of their babes is not running around with their siblings.
Many of us just don’t know what to say so we don’t say anything. We don’t know what to do so we don’t do anything. Let me tell you out of experience that there are simple, meaningful things you can do for a mama that has lost a child!
When we decided to start our family we got pregnant almost right away. We were blissfully unaware of any complications that could arise. It was November of 2010. The minute we found out, we told our parents and most other people. The bliss only lasted 12 weeks. Then, I unexpectedly suffered a miscarriage.
March of the following year brought another pregnancy with the same result, not five weeks into it. We didn’t even have time to tell anyone.
Later, in 2011 we found ourselves expecting once more. At 12 weeks we learned that our Evan Matthew wasn’t developing properly. After seeing specialists, doing weekly ultrasounds, crying many tears and praying many, many prayers, he went to be with Jesus at 37 weeks. It was one of the most painful days of our life.
It’s been six years since those early pregnancy losses and five years since the day we held Evan in our arms. To this day there are three things that, when I look back, bring warmth to my heart. They are simple, thoughtful things that people around me did that left a lasting impression in my heart. These are things you can do too for a mama who is grieving, whether she lost her babe recently or a few years ago.
- Tell Them They are a Mom Too… Because They Are! I remember having this question in my heart after my two miscarriages. I was so thankful to my mother-in-law for sending me a Mother’s Day card even when my arms were empty. It was a very timely reminder that
I indeed was a Mama!
- Give Them Something They Can Wear in Remembrance of Their Babe. One of my most treasured possessions is a necklace a friend gave me with Evan’s name and birth stone. I’ve been able to add charms to it as we’ve added boys to our family. When I wear it is like I have all of my boys together close to my heart!
- Talk about That Precious Babe. Sometimes we don’t want to mention the baby’s name because we’re afraid we will bring pain to the mama’s heart. Here is the thing, us mamas with babies in Heaven, we don’t ever forget about them. We want them to be remembered, and loved. Don’t be afraid to say their name, to bring them up, to let their mama know that you remember!