Sibling Gaps and the One Child Left Behind

We are raising the one child left behind.  Specifically, there is a ten year gab between him and the next child in our family.  If you are a family with more than one child, you are dealing with a sibling gab of some sort.   

Children are born further apart in some families and then in the next family they may be stair-stepped, one after the other.  And then we can’t forget the families who are raising an only child.  Personally, I have had an opportunity to do a mix of this.  

I knew I wanted to be a momma from the time I was a little girl.   Marriage and motherhood happened to come early for me.  Regardless of the timing, that first little guy was a treasure.  So, it was definitely craziness to find myself raising this one child left behind… twenty-six years later.

A piece to this puzzle is experiencing a divorce at the age of 36.  Eventually though, I found myself remarried and actually discussing adding to our family.  We were blessed to have our miracle baby within our first eighteen months of marriage.  Before he was five, our next oldest son had moved in with his dad to be closer to school, and our daughter moved out after finding a place of her own.  The older two had already been on their own for a number of years.  We then found ourselves raising an only child. Today our youngest is 11 1/2 and our oldest, a step-daughter, is 35.

Looking back, there are admittedly some differences in raising our son as an only, versus the time we were raising plenty.  Honestly, some of these differences lean toward the positive and some are a bit “negative.”  Let me share a few of my personal observances with you.

Chaos

A household with one child is definitely less chaotic than a household with more.  The reality is, there is a lack of arguing, ahem, debating going on when you only have one.  No fighting over the last cookie, no accusations on who drank the last drop of juice from the jug, nor anyone fighting over who gets to ride “shot-gun” in the car.  Yup, things are definitely quieter these days.  Let me make it clear though… while I do enjoy the quieter atmosphere of today, my heart still treasures the memories of all the chaos of the past.

Spoiling

As parents we have a greater responsibility to not raise a spoiled child.  Let’s be honest.  When there’s only one child living under the roof, the money doesn’t have to be stretched as far, and so it’s easy to want to give them all the little things they ask for.  As a parent, we have to find that balance for fear of raising a completely spoiled child.

Playmates

One can more easily round up a playmate when there are multiple siblings in the home.  When there are none, mom and dad have to fill in the gaps.  As I’m putting these thoughts on paper, I’m watching my husband and son play a game of table-top pool.  Additionally, I’m fifty years old and learning to play golf because our son loves it so much.  The bottom line is, having a kiddo at our age has a way of releasing our inner-child.

Extra-Curricular Activities

With each child participating in one activity, we often found ourselves on the run.  Four kids meant four activities to coordinate.  We were often juggling crazy schedules.  For years I had a “Mom’s Taxi” bangle hanging from the rear-view mirror.  It was a fact of life.  Where are we off to next?

Laundry

This one is pretty simple.  One child = less laundry.

Everybody Has a Life

I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard my youngest say he missed his brothers and sisters.  They are adults now and have children of their own.  Everyone has to steal time out of their busy schedules to get together these days.  

Sharing

As an only child, there is no one you have to share with.  You don’t have to share toys, or share mom and dad.  Wanna snuggle on the couch?  No one is getting jealous, except maybe the little dog sitting at our feet.

Consequently, life is very different raising the one child left behind.  I consider myself blessed that I’ve had an opportunity to do it both ways.  Each way has had its advantages and disadvantages… but overall, those things are all a part of life.  There is not a right or wrong way.  We all just do what we need to do and attempt to find the blessings along the way.

What does your household look like?  Are you raising an only or raising plenty?